"Peace" of Thought

Brownies for Breakfast - A Holiday Tale I have a weakness I'm afraid this is true I just can not help it I'll share it with you Pre-Christmas treats saved Are in kitchen right now Waiting for Christmas But I don't know how... I can wait much longer They beckon and call They want to be eaten Not just one, but them all! The cookies, the tarts Brownies, bars and the pie Choc-o-late haystacks They call but I'll try... To wait.  But I CAN'T The feeling is strong If I have one or two What could go wrong? I've just had my breakfast My coffee was good But one little treat Will not hurt, but it could... Open the window To have several more To the kitchen I go Open up the fridge door I pick up a brownie It's cool and it's sweet My mouth is in heaven I eat it all, what a treat! But now just a cookie What harm could it do I reach for the package My hands stick like glue And now I feel guilty Committed a crime I just couldn't wait Until Christmas time So - out co...

  And she sat with her pen and paper Watching cars that sped on by And the blackbirds sang in the trees that lie In the golden fields of the distant sky And she sat with her dreams about her Breathing crisp cool air that brought Breezes whispered were found and caught On her forehead as she kept her thoughts And she sat thinking through her memories Wondering where the time had gone Keeping rhythms slow and all sent along With tunes of golden times lie song And she sat looking through the sunlit clouds Holding her breath and listening to soul Her words spilled out like fires glowing coal The ink on paper took its toll And she came out from dark long shadows Through steady lines she sold Breaking barriers and finding white gold Her truths to others now she told And she sat with her pen and paper Watching cars that sped on by And the blackbirds sang in the trees that lie In the golden fields of the distant sky CNK

  And the shade is made A tool to cool Hiding from the sum Of rays to come And the light in sight From woes it grows Adding lines to signs Of passing time And the leaves they weave The darkness parks On ground that's sound Of shadows found And it sneaks a peek Keeping love above On green that's been Of places seen An the shade is made A tool to cool Hiding from the sum Of rays to come CNK

Lakeside lovely looming Storm clouds gather there Spelling thunder, dark as dungeon Lightning through the air White wind waking wonder In waves that swirl and churn White caps cold as icebergs Crashing as they learn  Sea sand soaked in silence Each grain sits on its own Forming dark shores in the distance But never lie alone The rain rescues raving ripples Creating rounded holes White reflects on top black depths Seeking underwater souls Clearing clouds colliding Through cracks faint lights arise And slowly spreads like sparks from fire Lifting seas of soaked disguise CNK

And the breeze, it took me closer To the corners of my mind Where thoughts had finally settled The bleakness left behind. And the rain, it cooled my quiet soul The raindrops felt like sand With every grain united Where the oceans meet the land And the sun, it blazed upon my skin The heat made all things one For every ray shone down to join With nothing left undone  And the days seemed not to linger The nights both quick yet slow With all things found between those realms Where all things come and go CNK

     Rising Fragile as she enters Soft beneath the skin The solid edge it mentors The souls that lies within Her carried weight looks heavy Though thin and weak she grows Inside the tunnels long and dark From fingers to her toes And still you see her rising Often lost along the way She leads through storms and glowing suns Through white clouds and the gray While all along you question Precarious as it seems She makes it through the ups and downs That lead to lakes and streams And as she bathes she listens To songs that from her past Prepares her for the future Moments calm and sure to last Her solid wisdom rises And meets the strength inside For now she's entered golden fields With nothing left to hide CNK

The New Me   Defining a “Journey” I’ve never been fond of that word, journey.  That is until recently.  Through my eyes the word journey implied many things that I could not relate to in any conceivable way.  Early in my years of battling Major Depressive Disorder, I absolutely hated the word journey.  When I was in my greatest depths of illness, I thought the term journey implied that I was on a voyage that would lead me to an end, a good end with a positivity about it and a sense of completeness.  Journey to me was like a trip and implied there was a firm beginning and a wonderous destination, an achievement of sorts that we learn from while navigating over a few bumps on the road.  I pictured a journey as ending in a place of comfort, a final destination that was earned through enlightening experience. I felt this way for the first 5 years of my illness and cringed whenever someone told me I was on a journey of wellness and recovery.  For...

And she stood at the top of the staircase Looking down the perilous steps. Looking down the fragile railing She saw where she had been As she rested at the top Saving breath for her next climb And wondering if she would ever get there. But she stood at the top of that staircase Happily exhausted, With one eye wide open Remembering every laborious inhale And shallow exhale, Gasping at times, Remember her recent journey Moving upward, Moving forward. With only one eye open, She made it to the top And turned and broke a slight smile Knowing with all that she experienced The next staircase Would also be climbed This time With both eyes open. CNK

Inside the inside Outside the outside Finding ones way, Behind every corner, Then comes the answer, The end to the search. All is now done. For now.

Rising again, Seeking the sunshine. Only to find Darkness behind meadows, That appear, Grayer than that, That's turning black Step forward, step back Reluctantly observing the closed gate Cautiously enter the darkness Only to return if you're noticed. Full of possibility, Happiness somewhere The end